1. Like an Early 1900s Market Place Traveling Salesman
You there sir and my dear lady, please step right up and let me tell you all a secret that is only ready for the likes that show the greatest of intelligence, such as yourselves. Now that I have you, did you know that we are living in the Technological Age? Technological Age you say? Yes sir and yes ma’am I will tell you now that we live in an age where technology is king, and I got a real humdinger for you. As you look on from the audience I can tell that you are a fine sort of sophistication, who does not have the time to worry about the hustle and bustle of storage technology development. Yet, I can also tell you are tired of holding your music in one hand, all your movies in the other, balance your books on your head, and kicking your apps, documents, photos, and tax information with your feet down the road while providing for your handsome family. No ma’am and no sir you are a person on the go and I can appreciate that. By golly, there has to be a better way to keep up with all your digital property and still have time to make a delicious five course meal for your wholesome family, or to spend time playing poker with the fellas after a long day at the Mill. Well what if I told you that I have the answer, and it has been sent from up on high down to shine its divine grace and wisdom with us. Ladies and gentlemen the cloud has come from the sky to take care of all your storage needs. Never again will you have to worry where you put that spread sheet because the cloud has got your back without a fear or doubt. It can hold your property, it can secure your property, it can move your property anywhere you are, and it is happy to do it. Step into my cart to experience the cloud for yourself and you too can be the talk of the walk, the bee’s knees, the cat’s meow, all around this fine patriotic town. When people hear you use the cloud to store your files they know you are a fine person of considerable astuteness, affluence, and an eligible suitor. Here in the Technological Age the king or queen is the one who uses the cloud and uses it right, and I got what you need right here ladies and gentlemen. Right this way to the future!
2. Like a Pharmaceutical Drug Company Representative
Have I given you one of our company’s pens yet? No, well take as many as you would like. Plus, how about some of our company’s notepads, key chains, business cards, flashlights, t-shirts, sweatpants, running shoes, gift certificates, jewelry, a brand new car, my first born child, and my first child’s first born child too. Oh did you just say you are interested in listening about how the cloud can help run your office more efficiently? Well you are just so generous with your time. Look, you can use files and drawers like your grandfather’s doctor’s office down of the road, or you can show your clients that I am looking for the next hip thing. Let’s not even mention all the Band-Aids you will save on when your staff does not have to worry about those nasty paper cuts from all those paper files and paper folders. Ouch! No, thank you. I’d rather work in an environmentally friendly paperless environment with the cloud storing all my data electronically. I don’t even need to get into how the cloud will store your digital information and keep it secure from anyone’s prying eyes. Oh, did you say you will try our company’s cloud network out, well you won’t be sorry. Oh, and I have these stacks of hundred dollar bills in my rolling suitcase, could you hold on to them for me? Thanks you are such a big help.
3. Like the Guy who fixes your Office Computer
What did you do to your computer this time? Oh did you say you cannot seem to open up a spreadsheet document you downloaded from an email, well stop the presses and MOVE. Well, let me begin by minimizing your, Perez Hilton website for you and let us see if the problem might just be a user error. Okay, well the firewall is not going to let you download the proper drivers to encrypt the necessary coding to establish a link from your email to your desktop because the ISP and the HD 6320 graphics card are outdated. We are going to need to do a systems check on your mouse to see if it caught a virus from your monitor. Then we can feed the motherboard 30kbs of ram or the heatsink and fan are not going to circulate the electrodes needed for the CPU. While I am doing that I will need you to unplug and plug-in the monitor cable three times in quick succession or until I tell you to. . . Stop. No, I said stop, stop doing that. Great, just great, now we have to start all over again. I’ll just reboot it for you. Alright I am finished with diagnostics and your computer is not going to download the link. Instead, you can just use the cloud. You know it will store all our documents on one network, and you can view it online or download it to your device. How have you not heard about the cloud yet? It is just a click here and here and there is your document. Look it is so simple even someone like you can use it, and no, no one outside this network can access our cloud, it is fine. I said it is fine, but I got to go to level eight apparently the printer is not printing out the page numbers on their slideshow.
4. Like a Coach of any Losing Sports Team at Halftime
Alright maggots listen up we are not winning this game and I think it is time to stop Nancy-footing it around and give it 110 percent out there. Umm, look people we are in a war out there and every inch we move forward with whatever ball, puck, baton, car, or pompom we are using in this particular game is not enough. Randy listen up and stop screwing around, you screw around too much and you keep losing it out on the field, you need this more than anybody. So yeah, I have decided that we need to call in the cloud. Yeah uhh, cloud get up here and let everyone take a good look at you. See, the problem is we are not fluid with our movement, and we are not secure enough with what we got. Umm, we need to use the cloud to move us around to any spot on the field and make sure we are secure enough to keep what is ours. So umm, get out there and put your heart into it, and uhh let’s bring home a win tonight with the cloud network. Remember we are only 0-0 tonight let’s get that one point for the W in the Gipper.
5. Like a Passive Aggressive Mother-in-Law
Oh, it is so nice of you to take the time out of your busy schedules to come visit me. I know how your kids always like going on trips and seeing the world, and it must get so tiring. I guess a little too tiring to have a baby, but I guess everyone can’t be responsible marathon runner after a year of marriage. Well, since you don’t seem to have any big news on this visit, have I told you how I invested in a cloud network for the family? I sure am excited to start using this cloud network. I got it to store all your traveling pictures you seem to love to take, which are nice but I am more partial to cute baby pictures. Oh, and it is so easy to use, so you don’t worry about me or helping me figure out how to use this new computing system. I know you are so busy with not settling down in one place near me because I know it is not important to you like traveling to far off places. I can just store pictures and videos of your aunt’s grandchildren on it, so I know how to use it for whenever you guys decide it is time to start a real family. Of course, that is not until after you go where again, parasailing over the Galapagos Islands? Well that sounds pleasant, almost as fulfilling as having children. Did I mention you can share this cloud network safely so we can just save all the pictures, movies, and bank account numbers of future college funds that I may or may not have set aside if you ever give me grandchildren? Plus it can be all done anywhere with one device, but it can be uploaded and downloaded on any of our devises at any other place? Oh but never mind about crazy old grandmother . . . I mean just plain old mom’s plans. I just hope you have a safe trip and nothing bad happens.
By Chris Kenealy