How The Cloud Would Have Been Sold If It Was Invented In The…

How The Cloud Would Have Been Sold If It Was Invented In The…

1) 1970s

It is the super jam, it is super fly, it can store your super needs, and it is dy-no-mite. Let me ask you, what are you using to store all your Lafayette Afro Rock Band and Al Green Albums? A cardboard box you found at the back of a liquor store? Please that is for the squares and geeks and not the soulful man or foxy lady that your really are. Let me tell you about another righteous box that will take you from being foul to funky.

1970s

This cloud can hold on to all your music, photos, movies, papers, or whatever you heart desires. Plus, when you want it just snap your fingers and BAM you got it no matter where you are. The cloud will find you and give you what you need over the freshest web of circuits that connect you to me and vice versa.

Hop on the train and let the cloud take you to the max with a cloud that is so secure even Richard Nixon won’t be able to break in to look at your stored goodies. The cloud is here to stay and it is going to be the 1970s forever. Can you dig it?

2) 1960s

Hey man do you have five minutes for world peace, how about the whales, well then how about cloud computing? Let me tell you about this groovy new box that, like, will hold all your things… man. It is cool how you can put all your happening stuff in one place and never lose anything again… my man. The cloud is like living in a commune that has everything you need for you whenever you need it… man. It is a whole new bag when you got something that will hold your beat protest poetry about the war and love… my man. The cloud will keep things cool when you are on a bus headed to Washington D.C. so you can listen to the New Beatles album and discuss foreign policy with a fascist… man. Are you worried about the Man trying to sneak a peek at your stuff… my man? Well, Uncle Sam cannot take your freedom or anything you put on the cloud because it has a lock that keeps others out… man. Be cool man, try the cloud and get ready to wake up to what is really going on… my man.

1950s

3) 1950s

It is time to be vigilant in the time when those ruskies are out there plotting to take over ‘Murica. When they finally invade our God given free land you are going to need a place to hide all your high quality products that are made in America before Uncle Communist takes it away. So don’t forget when it is time to duck and cover let the cloud cover your possessions. The cloud can store all your secrets and meet you wherever you are, which will come in handy when you have to go on the run to save your family from a Soviet invasion. A read sky at night might be a Soviet’s delight, but at least the good old USA still has the cloud on its side.

4) 1940s

Are you ready to sock old Hitler in the jaw, well then you need to buy War Bonds! War Bonds will support our boys in blue by winning this war. Of course to win this war you are going to need to save, save, save, and the best way to save on space is to store everything on the new cloud network. This new magic box is ready to store all those extra possessions you have that cannot be melted down, shipped to the front line, or stored in your home to keep the Nazi’s out of our borders. You got the Greta Garbo film? Then put it in the cloud. You got that Billie Holiday record? Well put it on the cloud. Don’t worry ladies and gentleman the cloud will hold all your needs for you until our boys come on victorious over that mean old Hitler and his Nazi party. Do you have someone out fighting for the old red, white, and blue? Then you can share all those war letters back and forth faster than the pony express itself simply by putting it in the cloud. With the cloud you can store your stuff so America has a little more room for The Effort. The cloud will keep everything you own and this ain’t a bum rap fellas. We here are Martin Finkerson and Associates, partnered with the United States Government, guarantee the quality and security of storage. Remember ladies, and gentlemen, “If it won’t help with the war effort, put it in the cloud. For safety and storage you, will make America proud.

5) 1930s

1930's

So, the 1920s may have been roaring, but the 1930s is coming up cloud! Right here I have a new device that will let you put your entire thing in storage. This isn’t a great depression anymore because the cloud is here for you. There is no more reason to be going down the road feeling sad because the cloud will carry that thing you own where ever you go. Come to think of it, owning a cloud will change you from a man or woman with a thing to things. Well that would make you a fine upstanding gentleman or lady that certainly isn’t depressed. I know I would be tipping my hat to you if I owned such a cloth like head protector. Speaking of mobility, you might be concerned of marauders coming after you for being a fine upstanding person of class always carrion around your possession. Well not to worry, the cloud is like bank vault sealed up tight and you are the only one with the key. Watch out Johnny Lawless you won’t be stealing off my cloud. The cloud will be getting this grand ole country out of this slump, and back to what we once were since the Great War. Once you have the cloud you will be ready for luxury once again with golden buildings with your name written across them, and caviar for dinner. It is time to move from the dust bowl to cloud nine with the new cloud storage network.

By Chris Kenealy

(Images Source: Shutterstock)

Chris Kenealy

Chris Kenealy is a 30 year old graduate of Georgia State University, and he is a professional freelance writer for both online and print content. Known for his written work with local non-profit organizations and his highly sarcastic jorunalism ;) work on pop culture he is happy letting his writing make others laugh, think, or both. Chris is also currently a freelance writer for CloudTweaks.

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