Gartner has recenty predicted that by 2020, a corporate “no-cloud” policy will be as rare as a “no-internet” policy is today. CIOs will increasingly leverage a multitude of cloud computing providers across the entire IT stack to enable a huge variety of use cases and meet the requirements of their business unit peers. Indeed, the tides are shifting toward a “cloud-first” or even “cloud-only” policy... 

Marc Wilczek

Cloud College: Room Still Smells Like Grapes

Cloud College: Room Stills Smells Like Grapes

In light of recent college graduates leaving the fake world of percentages labeled on their work letting you know just how hard you tried, compared to, “Do it again or your fired.” I am thinking stress levels maybe a bit high. I certainly remember after I graduated I would sleep under my bed with all text books because the bed was not a futon. I also bought a thousand scratch and sniff good job stickers too, and I put them on everything I did. My room still smells like grapes. Of course I ran out of these stickers and I was forced to become an adult when I didn’t have the money to pay for more stickers. So I got a job and now I repress my wants to live like a college student with yard work and vacuuming my house. Anyways, if you are a recent graduate with a degree in computer science you are probably working. Of course you can still send this to your liberal arts major friend, because what I am about to offer is valuable information for cloud networking classes at an imaginary school that is designed specifically for their liberal arts major.scratachandsniff

  1. Networking 103 for English Majors.

Yes before you come to class make sure you have drunk a stones weight in absinthe and pick a daisy for the teacher because this class is for the poets. You will learn the finer basics of what a network is, without the scary concept of numbers and computers muddling up your whimsical mind. This class will still allow for your creativity to flourish with the colors of an ether frolic after a reading of the Myth of Lycurgus. You may ask our professor such questions like, “Doth the red blinking light on the triumphant tower of cloud networks show the same anger from Aries’ rage or is it soft and joyous color rejoicing in its abilities liken to the redden cheeks of a cherubim?” Once you graduate from this class you will be ready to teach your fellow IT co-workers about the literary comparisons of storing your files on a network and Chaucer’s intent of the Canterbury’s Tales. Here at Networking for English majors you will learn that the cloud is not just a metaphor for sadness.

  1. Security Protocols for Criminal Justice Majors

Listen up maggots you are the last line of defense between order and UTTER CHAOS! What you will learn from this class will be used out in the real world to provide those working with the cloud the security to sleep at night knowing their files are safe in your trusted gaze. Do you want to disappoint those people sleeping so soundly like babies? I don’t think so. You will learn about deterrent, preventative, corrective, and detective controls to keep little Susie’s My Little Pony box set collection safe from any adult male who is otherwise known as a Brony. Those sickos are not getting by us because we hold the keys tonight. You want to ask questions? Well you can’t I tell you what security is, and then you make it happen.

  1. Cloud Theory for Philosophy Majors

What is a cloud? Can we begin with that first? Yes the outside world of philistines and troglodytes may view it as a machine, a machine that holds abstract numbers strung together to make something digital known in the technological realms as code. This code creates the ability to hold onto other coded items and distribute them according to the will of the person, be it determined or free. Then again is any of that real? What can we say about the cloud?

1. The cloud was created by man.

2. All men are mortal with a finite lifespan.

3. Therefore, the cloud network is mortal.

That seems like a misstep in logic but for all we know our logic is misled! Why if men are moral and clouds cannot work without men do they not feel the stinging coldness of mortality as they watch as wither away? This is why we need you to ask . . . the . . . QUESTIONS!

  1. Files on the Go 101 for Anthropologist

Are you the kind of person who is on the go? Someone who feels they are not content until they have hiked every mountain range in Sub-Saharan Africa with nothing but a back pack and a friendly disposition to cultural relativism? Well if that is you have you also ever wondered how all your curry recipes and pictures at waterfalls were sent to all your devices without you manually doing it? No it wasn’t a blessing from the Goddess Willow of the Black Forest. It is actually from this new culture of IT personnel that you can learn about. This aloof group of people’s way of life has never been studied but they do so much for you. Soon you will realize just how the cloud distributes your files throughout your network so you can never go without the music you need for the harvest dance of the full moon.

  1. Painting Clouds for Art Majors

We aren’t kidding anyone here we know you guys were art students so we are just going to give you some paint to make the cloud network hardware look appealing.

By Chris Kenealy

(Image Source: http://www.foodiggity.com)

Chris Kenealy

Chris Kenealy is a 30 year old graduate of Georgia State University, and he is a professional freelance writer for both online and print content. Known for his written work with local non-profit organizations and his highly sarcastic jorunalism ;) work on pop culture he is happy letting his writing make others laugh, think, or both. Chris is also currently a freelance writer for CloudTweaks.